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Depression 
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Post Re: Depression

Respect to everyone who rallied up the courage to open themselves up to the rest of us in this thread about their depression.

I share the sentiment that doom music can help exercise the demons of depression if used correctly. I've struggled with depression for the last 15 years or so, and I get really bad flare-ups that can last months every couple of years and around winter time. When I was about 22 or so I had a rough time with some things going on in life and that was when I discovered doom metal. While it was crushingly depressing on the surface, I also discovered this new style of music that was so brutally heavy (at the time I was almsot exclusively listening to grindcore, always looking for louder and heavier things) I couldn't help but be fascinated by it enough to momentarily take my mind off of the cloud of grief I was stuck in.

Fast forward to last year when I was drinking heavily (always have dealt with addiction in one way or another) and struggling with chronic knee injuries, I lost track of what gave me pleasure in life. I decided to seek professional help and at the same time sort of rediscovered doom, only this time with new ears. Now I managed to see the beauty and complexity in an ostensibly droning (ha!) and repetitive style of music. This in turn is helping me realize the same aspect of beauty and complexity in everyday life. I have since stopped seeing my therapist and have been off my medication for a few months, but manage to remind myself to take life one day at a time. I realized how easy it is to be addicted to that feeling of being isolated and crushed under the weight of the world. I was just so sick of it that it was either die or do something else. About once a week I still feel like crawling into bed and not going outside of my apartment, but those times I realize that I need to take it maybe one hour at a time, or maybe even one minute at a time. It makes it much more manageable if I don't think about how I'm going to have to deal with this for the rest of my life.

Those days when I'm feeling kinda low, I refrain from listening to any suuuuper depressing music (I try to stay away from Funeral or Katatonia and will opt for maybe Mar De Grises or Nadja). Sometimes when you want to escape life, there can be fewer things greater than escaping and losing yourself in an amazing album with the lights off. You just have to remember to maintain control over yourself and your depression (I know, easier said than done, but it takes a lot of practice and is TOTALLY worth it) and not let yourself get too low at certain moments. You can always listen to that soul-crushing song when you're feeling better tomorrow. For now, just try to soak it in and objectively absorb the atmosphere.

Also, if there is anyone out there who feels like they need to talk to someone about depression, I am more than happy to listen, give any advice, or even share experiences. I know what it is like and how lonely and awful it can get and would hate to know that anyone out there feels as if there is no one they can talk to.


Tue Jun 11, 2013 5:28 am
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Post Re: Depression

Ocean of Ghosts wrote:
Respect to everyone who rallied up the courage to open themselves up to the rest of us in this thread about their depression.

I'd say that you deserve that same respect yourself for being this frank about your experiences and also for offering support. There was a time when I used to write such personal posts in forums myself, but I usually don't do that anymore these days. Instead, I prefer to keep certain topics - or aspects thereof - out of the public. This doesn't necessarily mean that I cannot or wouldn not discuss those topics, but I remain on a general level most of the time rather than giving away too many personal details. It certainly takes some courage and trust to open up the way you did in a thread like this, but you're right, talking can help alleviate most burdens somehow, as can the exchange of experiences. The subject of depression is probably one of the best examples for this since it entails isolation in most cases - the experience that you're not alone with what you're feeling can make quite a difference.

It's interesting that you suggest to stay away from the more extreme tracks when depressed. Until a few years ago, I used to listen to the most uncompromisingly depressing albums I owned when I was in a particularly low mood; it didn't drag me down any further - instead, it was the only thing that still reached me. The negative emotions are there and have to be suffered anyway; might as well confront myself with an aestheticed version of those emotions and see how they can be turned into something beautiful and constructive through the process of creativity. The method of 'confrontation' through music also seems to have been a way to concentrate my emotions on a certain timeframe (e.g. the duration of an album) after which I could continue with my daily routine slightly more easily. Positive, uplifting music, on the other hand, was (and still is) a total no-go in such moments - it makes me aggressive! In the meantime, though, things have changed: in those extreme moments, I am often immune to the effects of almost any music, let alone other things that might be inspiring. Only very simple, in-your-face, immediately emotional songs can still make a difference sometimes, but I don't know very much music matching this requirement. Then, the only thing that remains is distraction through watching a couple of episodes of a good series, playing computer games etc., which in turn frustrates me all the more because I'm unable to spend my time in a more productive or inspiring way. :shrug:

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Tue Jun 11, 2013 6:59 pm
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Post Re: Depression

Legion Of Doom wrote:
I don't know if depression is common among doom metal fans, but I know I have some form of depression. I tend to overeat a lot (I am obese), be very lazy, not willing to do things, I have no social skills (of course, that mostly stems from my high functioning autism), I often get very little to no pleasure in things which I should enjoy, I have no real motivation to make anything of myself, I have feeling of worthlessness, and I generally find life to have no meaning whatsoever, I hear voices in my head, I get a bit paranoid of other people, etc.


I didn't realize this was a thread, but I'd just like to point out that I have similar issues. I have Major Depressive Disorder, as well as Asperger's Syndrome (and unfortunately, the former runs on both sides of my family). I've had problems with feeling hopeless and miserable since I was as young as 8 years old. I'd like to think that since I'm only 19 now, I'll be able to learn ways to cope with and alleviate the symptoms of negativity as I get older.

I have little drive or interest in the things I do; absolutely nothing feels fulfilling. It feels like I'm bad at everything I do, even when I know I'm just being too hard on myself. I've been on seven different anti-depressants and mood stabilizers over the course of three years, and they all seemed to have the inverse reaction on me. I've also went through periods of drug abuse and suicide attempts, but thankfully, I'm at a point where things aren't quite so severe now. My worst issue now is that, while I too want to leave the small town I'm living in, I'm terrified I'll fail horribly if I attempt to move somewhere else and rely on myself. Coming from a poor family, poverty and homelessness are two things I dread.

I tend to ignore the correlation between dark music and depression. While I do agree Doom Metal is certainly depressive, I listen to it because I think it's beautiful and enjoyable. Sometimes, bands as harsh as Dolorian or Evoken are even soothing for me to listen to after a rough day. One reason why I want to make music of my own is more or less as an outlet for those unpleasant feelings; sort of a way of expelling my demons.

To those of you who posted in this thread to talk about suffering from such issues, I wish you well.

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Thu May 15, 2014 11:41 pm
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Post Re: Depression

TheUnhinged wrote:
I didn't realize this was a thread, but I'd just like to point out that I have similar issues. I have Major Depressive Disorder, as well as Asperger's Syndrome (and unfortunately, the former runs on both sides of my family). I've had problems with feeling hopeless and miserable since I was as young as 8 years old. I'd like to think that since I'm only 19 now, I'll be able to learn ways to cope with and alleviate the symptoms of negativity as I get older.

Unfortunately, such feelings, often amounting to clinical depression, are very common among autistic people, usually as an acquired comorbidity. Since you're still rather young but already know the source of your problems, it'd probably be a good idea to participate in some special training programs if you really want things to improve. It can be really hard on your own, and conventional psychotherapy probably won't work (as harsh as it may sound). But you've probably looked into such possibilities already, anyway.

TheUnhinged wrote:
I have little drive or interest in the things I do; absolutely nothing feels fulfilling. It feels like I'm bad at everything I do, even when I know I'm just being too hard on myself. I've been on seven different anti-depressants and mood stabilizers over the course of three years, and they all seemed to have the inverse reaction on me.

This, too, is rather common among people with your background. I suspect it has something to do with the neurological differences which make the brain react in unexpected ways. There can also be strange reactions to other kinds of medication, not just psychiatric medication. Together with the fact that the therapy concepts for 'regular' people don't apply for the most part, this makes it so damn hard to bring about any substantial, long-lasting change for the better. The best scenario is really to have received a lot of solid professional support early on before those comorbidities can even develop properly, but that's of little help when they already have, of course.

TheUnhinged wrote:
My worst issue now is that, while I too want to leave the small town I'm living in, I'm terrified I'll fail horribly if I attempt to move somewhere else and rely on myself. Coming from a poor family, poverty and homelessness are two things I dread.

I believe I commented on this issue earlier in the thread. I can really understand your dread, it's something I've gone through myself, but in hindsight, the choice to make this giant leap into the unknown was a great step forward for me and probably the best/most important decision in my life, even though the place was quite poorly chosen. :;): My advice would be to plan this step thoroughly and look for places where you'd be able to find help before moving away. In any case, I wish you the best of luck!

TheUnhinged wrote:
One reason why I want to make music of my own is more or less as an outlet for those unpleasant feelings; sort of a way of expelling my demons.

Couldn't agree more!

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Sun May 18, 2014 12:38 pm
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TheUnhinged wrote:
One reason why I want to make music of my own is more or less as an outlet for those unpleasant feelings; sort of a way of expelling my demons.


Just to give a bit of an update, this is exactly what has been happening recently. I've finally started my own doom metal band, and have started playing keys and clean vocals for a melo-death band on the side. I have been collaborating with incredibly talented and kind people who make me happy to speak with and write songs with.

While my life still is far from perfect, and I still have some rough days, things have definitely been improving and I'm feeling much better than I did when I made that post. I've been making healthy changes and started putting more effort into my music, and not only do I feel happier, but I actually feel alive.

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Sat Mar 21, 2015 2:08 am
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Post Re: Depression

:beerchug:

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Sat Mar 21, 2015 8:59 am
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Post Re: Depression

That's a great development - keep it up, and good luck with the band! :) It's astonishing what some fruitful creative collaboration can do.

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Thu Apr 30, 2015 7:19 am
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