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Depression 
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Post Depression

I don't know if depression is common among doom metal fans, but I know I have some form of depression. I tend to overeat a lot (I am obese), be very lazy, not willing to do things, I have no social skills (of course, that mostly stems from my high functioning autism), I often get very little to no pleasure in things which I should enjoy, I have no real motivation to make anything of myself, I have feeling of worthlessness, and I generally find life to have no meaning whatsoever, I hear voices in my head, I get a bit paranoid of other people, etc.

I had abusive parents, which might have caused my depression. I have tried several antidepressants which did not help. I tried therapy, it seems like nothing works. I don't want to live, but I don't want to die either. I just want to dwell in a dream forever or something. Whatever.

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Thu Jan 26, 2012 10:42 pm
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Post Re: Depression

We're living in a completely fucked up society that has lost its mind, is pathologically obsessed with itself, which is one of the crucial reasons why rock and heavy metal music exists. I've went through many years of these states just to find out it's not by any means my fault why I feel like this. Even if it says contrary, the world does not like creative people. The world does not like people who persist in asking questions. The world doesn't like people who are thinking about history seriously. But there are ways how to persist, be creative and keep on asking about uncomfortable things. It is very individual, but there is plethora of evidence everywhere to be found for me to comfortably tell you it is possible to turn your everyday life into therapy and make the oppressive forces go against themselves. And you don't have to be greedy, religious, humanist nor moralist to get rewarded for punching into the right spots.

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Fri Jan 27, 2012 3:39 am
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Post Re: Depression

Worm: As far as the first half of your post is concerned, I totally agree. The second half is surprisingly positive, but maybe you're right and I just haven't made such experiences yet. I'm working on it. If you have any pieces of advice to share, go ahead. :;):

Legion of Doom: Growing up with high functioning autism alone causes depression in far too many cases - in a world which is extremely harsh against everyone who's "different", guys like you have a hard time making any positive social experiences, and from some point in life onwards, you just start to give up on it or even think it may be your own fault. Then there's the abuse thing, which makes matters even worse - unfortunately, the combination of autism and traumatic experiences of this extreme kind isn't rare (maybe autistic children are some sort of "easy prey", I don't know), and it naturally leads to a very extreme emotional state which turns chronical. I've seen it all over again and it's such a shame. Have you ever been to an Asperger's meeting or something along those lines? It won't cure your depression, of course, but it can help you realise that you're not entirely alone with the way you feel, think and communicate. I think it's a good starting point.

How early have you been diagnosed with autism? Many so called specialists (neurologist, psychiatrists and so on) are shockingly uninformed about this specific disorder, which leads to loads of misdiagnoses. It's about the worst thing that can happen to you to feel different and out of place all your life without having the slightest idea why, and not even being understood by specialists. Being diagnosed as a child can spare you a lot of trouble in life, but it's an ideal situation that rarely occurs. The fact that antidepressants didn't help is not untypical, by the way, because the reasons for your depression are probably very different from those neurotypical people have, hence a different kind of therapy would be necessary, I presume. If you want to discuss the topic more closely, feel free to send me a PM - I'm not sure in how far I'd want to discuss this in public since it's sort of "intimate", isn't it...

The topic itself is very interesting anyway. In fact, I've been thinking about starting a similar topic someday. Since depression, alienation, loneliness, suicidality etc. often figure in Doom lyrics, I've often wondered in how far those emotions are authentic on the musicians' side and in how far you need to know these kind of emotions yourself in order to enjoy such music. During my adolescence, I thought I might find likeminded people through my tastes in music; I was so naive to believe that folks who enjoy the music I can identify with must have a similar outlook on things. As it turned out, on concerts and other events I feel just as isolated and out of place as everywhere else and people's behaviour seems just as strange. But this doesn't mean that other Doom-fans (to concentrate on this - our - example) don't "feel" what's inside the music; in fact, it only means I'm even more of a freak than I thought. :;):

To cut a long story short, the question I formulated at the beginning of my previous paragraph may be worth some discussion.

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Fri Jan 27, 2012 7:40 pm
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Post Re: Depression

d.mimesa, you definitely hit the nail on the head. I was diagnosed with high functioning autism when I was like 2-3 years old, I believe. I did not understand what it meant until I was around 18 years old. I always wondered what the hell was wrong with me. It seems like now I am becoming more and more socially isolated knowing that I'm going to always fuck up. When I started to look for acceptance on the Internet, I thought that my problems would be solved. But I just can't do this social thing right. So I become frustrated and become antisocial instead (trolling) and try to impose my misery upon others. The few friends that I did make on the Internet I drove away with my misery. I just can't seem to relate to anyone, period. It doesn't help that I don't have much to talk about, I'm not really interested in anything.

I have never been to an Asperger's meeting or anything like that. I have never seen anyone else with HFA or Asperger's or anything like that in my life, the town I live in has nothing to offer to me. The few interests I do have, there's absolutely nothing in town to appeal to that. No metal concerts, good record stores, R/C races, car shows, anything like that. Just a crap-ton of uninteresting chain stores. Typical fucking small town America. It's not even that small of a town, but I swear, the 70k population are just clones of the same old stupid, uneducated, ignorant, often-Christian ghetto people over and over again. The downtown area is like a ghost town, everything but the city hall, courthouse, library, and bus station has been relegated elsewhere. Oh, and this town is in the top-20 highest crime rate cities in the USA. Sigh.

I apologize for going on that tangent. But yeah, my town really sucks ass.

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Fri Jan 27, 2012 10:09 pm
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Post Re: Depression

d.mimøsa wrote:
Worm: As far as the first half of your post is concerned, I totally agree. The second half is surprisingly positive, but maybe you're right and I just haven't made such experiences yet. I'm working on it. If you have any pieces of advice to share, go ahead. :;):

Haha, indeed, I was fucking wondering that I might sound kinda emo and happy and that kind of bullshit. Guess I've been a person always trying to move forward, but recently it's been kinda working well for me... Perhaps I just started to manage irrationality better instead of forcing myself to enslaving it by too much reason.

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Sat Jan 28, 2012 4:29 am
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Post Re: Depression

Well, I guess that the "recently it's been kinda working well for me" part pretty much explains it. :;): From my experience, the outlook on life (and on the world in general) tends to change alongside the circumstances you live in. Thus, if you make better experiences, the outlook will improve as well. Of course, the will to move forward is always a prerequisite for anything to improve, but unfortunately it's not always enough.

Legion: Man, you're still "lucky" that you were diagnosed that early. Anyway, I assure you that I totally understand your points. I grew up in a very similar town to the one you live in, it has some 80,000 people, very conservative, catholic, culturally stagnating and so on. It was a good step to get away from there someday, I moved to a bigger town in a different part of the country to study, and this new distance helped in the beginning. But: 1) I realise that such a step is quite a challenge and hard to take, especially if you have social difficulties etc., and I probably wouldn't have had the courage myself if I hadn't been forced (more or less); 2) This alone isn't enough in the long run. Still, I would advise you to try and get away from there - it doesn't have to happen tomorrow, but it's a perspective. But don't make the same mistake I made: Choose your destination wisely. I have no idea what it's like in the US, but here you can benefit from quite a number of advantages with an official diagnosis, including "assistance" wherever it's needed so you won't be on your own. Besides, it might really be worth the effort to take a trip to a bigger town which offers such meetings I had mentioned because - as I said - it'll definitely help reduce your feeling of isolation. You'll also see that many HFA/AS people have made similar experiences and suffer from similar consequences. Maybe you'll even make friends. At any rate there's a good chance you'll be able to relate to these people. By the way, I don't think you're not interested in anything at all - if this way the case, there would be no point in being a member of this board. But interests or even passions get overshadowed by all the negativity in time, that's clear; that doesn't mean they're gone, you just don't have the energy and motivation to pursue them any longer.

Now it's me who's sounding more optimistic than I actually am, I guess... But in fact, I'm only trying to show that there actually are ways to try and make a change, even in such a situation. I won't deny, however, that it's very, very hard to actually get out of that emotional state altogether. And the longer you wait with trying, the harder it'll get, I can promise you that.

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Sat Jan 28, 2012 3:50 pm
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Post Re: Depression

Legion Of Doom wrote:
...


Thank you for being brave enough to share all that with us... I only have the usual clichés to offer, about letting go of the past, keeping creative and finding things that make you happy. And I wish you well :)



Mon Feb 06, 2012 3:21 am
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Post Re: Depression

Doom Metal actually made me a happier person. Discovering metal in general was the greatest establishment. I know these statements would mean nothing, but I think the smallest things are always worth the appreciation. Put on some Thergothon and let the happiness flow. :)

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Wed Feb 22, 2012 4:17 pm
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Post Re: Depression

DOOM heals depressin.
Doomsters are weird, im depresed since 13-14 , I like be alone, I dont like sociaety , I dont like people, be outside, I hate my family every single on of them , they dont understand, they live by stupid rules what made by people, all that nonsence,
i hate it, due fuck up Europe eceomiy I cant find a job to move out, live in own apartment, but other hand jobe means people, I dont care about weekends boozing, my life is internte, metal, tv , most of my friends go out each weekend, get drunk, I dont care, simply dont, I like be own at house listen music, swing my chain araound hand, I dont care about if Im single for eternity or not , I dont need GF anything, all things what people do makes me nonsece, life is meaningless, I dont see sence why Im living, never wanted wife and KIDS, Imo wasted time, how many valiable hours of liofe you wast to take care of them ??? I dont care about clean t shirt or room, leathly I dont care about nothing, I wish to be dead, wake up dead, more time go, more I think how stob my self in a neck and bleed out in my fav place of forest, I need wate till snow melts to go there, all this stupid pathetical life or game what people live and play makes me puke, perfect family bla bla, doom and metal is only what metters to me, if I wont get 1milj in lothery as soon as possible , such mney can make me buy own aparment or litle house and live own life whit out brainfuck and brainwash , otherwise dead will come soon

well we can say Im depresed ;)

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Sat Feb 25, 2012 1:32 pm
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Post Re: Depression

Wow, I Aplaud all who opened their lives to share with us here. I have been depressed for entirely different reasons lately, basically getting older and economy for me. But I don't have these suicidal thought and I hate to be alone. I used to enjoy being out with friends, but as I get older all my friends moved away or got married. I have a beautiful little daughter who makes me so proud and gives me a reason to live, however, being older also brings problems with ambition and also lots of pain in my body. I am a mason/bricklayer of almost 20 years and my body is destroyed. I wake up with severe back pain, my legs hurt all the time...I have no energy and when I do have it, stress and work take it away. I hate not having money to feed my daughter and I stress out each day worrying if I'll work enough to pay the bills, let alone support my music which has become a dying wish and reality has set in and it tells me I am to old to continue wasting time and money creating music that really has no purpose. If it makes anyone feel better, life does get worse as you get older ha ha. If there are younger people on here I suggest staying in school and not becoming a doom musician.

I was always a social butterfly, and nowadays, if I'm not working (minimal hours because my trade relys on weather) I sleep all the time, or strees out. I had severe anxioty last winter that was almost reason to think about suicide. Thankfully I made it through that winter and stopped drinking coffee which helped a lot. I think we all have our inner demons and depression, just have to put one foot in front of the other so they say.

I have a small solution for the thread starter though. Perhaps put a posting up on a local forum for room mates, and this could allow you to get your own place (this will help you immensely) Having your own bills and whatnot should give you that extra ambition to make it through the day, week, month. Even if you get a shit job at mcdonalds you know, it will build self worth.

Someone said something about wondering if the doom musicians feel such depression as their music. Well, I myself can only write music when I am in a good mood, but this comes mainly after deep deep depressive moments of thought, ot tragic moments. I have always been inspired by the things in my life, that is, I write from personal experience and I have had some very tough and miserable times that the music was my only reason to live. What a confusing thing the human mind is, I am baffled when I think about this.

Anyways, I hope you all find peace and are well.

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Sun Feb 26, 2012 2:41 am
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Post Re: Depression

Depression... Well, my experience shows that many doom metal fans really do fit a cliche of sorrowful depressed lonesome people with suicidal or alcoholic tendencies. Thankfully, not all of them, but the trend, so to speak, is visible.

Personally, I think I'm quite familiar with depression - if you understand it as a bleak outlook on life and oneself, not as a medical condition. I'm well aware that, honestly, I've got nothing to be depressed about, especially compared to people who really have a right to be sad and some real problems to face. For past few years I've been thinking that the world is a very interesting place to live, so the reason of my dissatisfaction is myself, not life in general. I'm too lazy and afraid of everything to actually have an interesting (or comfortable, or successful) life. Even when I'm interesting in something, I often drop it with a thought of "It's too hard, I'll never get it right, and I'm not that interested anyway". I have quite a few important and/or potentially interesting things to complete - like finding a decent (i.e. well-paid and challenging) job (and educating myself to get one); improving my vocal skills to become a much better vocalist than I am now; learning to actually play guitar; starting to take care of my physical body and so on. But instead of doing anything to achieve any of those goals I just procrastinate and waste time on the internet. Everything, anything gets either "Meh, too hard" or "This will never work" reaction from me.

All this, plus some other things make me constantly (well, regularly) wallow in self-loathing and self-pity. It is something like an addiction, a masochistic joy of understanding that you deliberately waste and postpone your life and your chances for happiness, and have noone to blame, except for yourself and your weakness. Getting on this train of thought can bring me pretty far into the realm of depression, which certainly doesn't help in dealing with the sources of these thoughts, which depresses me furthermore.

I could go on and on, but this would be inappropriate. So, to conclude - yes, I guess doomsters are quite gloomy crowd in general, although many of them find enough enjoyment in life to save them from actual depression.

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Thu Mar 29, 2012 9:51 pm
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Post Re: Depression

as mim already said, it depends a lot on the way you look at life. thats the reason why even young and gifted people can become depressed... sounds strange, but i guess when there is everything in life perfect you will miss some bad feelings to hold the balance, maybe not a real depression but everyone has different feelings... so far life could always be worse...

..i think somehow its a view on life till there are real body effects on you (for example cant get out of bed/long sleep,
cant concentrate, not motivated to do anything, self-hurting etc.) and then you should go see a doctor..

for me doom is like a pill for my dark side of the moon...

music is the medicine and it often helped. especially against loneliness. music is always there, whatever mood youre in. so its the one friend that understands you and feels the same. maybe thats why doomsters are often depressed, but i guess there are also happy people who just like it for the art.


Sat Feb 23, 2013 12:06 pm
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Post Re: Depression

Sygn wrote:
why even young and gifted people can become depressed...

I'd even say that especially young and gifted people are prone to depression.
Sygn wrote:
music is the medicine and it often helped. especially against loneliness. music is always there, whatever mood youre in. so its the one friend that understands you and feels the same.

Amen to that! Very, very true.

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Sat Feb 23, 2013 2:15 pm
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Post Re: Depression

d.mimøsa wrote:
Sygn wrote:
why even young and gifted people can become depressed...

I'd even say that especially young and gifted people are prone to depression.


always has to be a smart alec..!


:D

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Sat Feb 23, 2013 3:01 pm
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Post Re: Depression

What are you implying? :p Just trying to contribute something to the discussion and mend your sadness about the constant decline in forum activity... :D

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Sat Feb 23, 2013 4:13 pm
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Post Re: Depression

Not really my speciality, but I believe the evidence is that there isn't a correlation between intelligence/intellectual giftedness and depression. There is, however, a strong correlation between existential anxiety and related anxiety disorders and intelligence/intellectual giftedness. Which is actually what a lot of this thread seems to be referring to, and is a whole different set of issues, even if some of the symptoms overlap and the severity can be just as debilitating.

In a lot of cases anxieties, particularly over abstracts (such as the pointlessness of life) depend on the ability to construct and analyse complex thoughts - hence the correlation with intelligence. Young and gifted people can also be hit from puberty through teens, because they get a whole load of bonus hormonal changes that constantly tell them the world's a grim and confusing place into which they're going to have difficulty fitting...

Of course, older and gifted folk, such as myself :cool: , can hope to make sense of this world-model with: "Life sucks. Get a helmet." :D *


* Smilies on a thread about depression are a beautiful irony.

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Sat Feb 23, 2013 6:31 pm
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Post Re: Depression

endemoniada_88 wrote:
"Life sucks. Get a helmet." :D


:laugh:

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Sat Feb 23, 2013 9:54 pm
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Post Re: Depression

Life sucks good, sometimes. :tadbiggrin:

I have the feeling this topic is more about bipolar syndrom and cyclothymic moods...

:crying: :D :grumpy: :)

No?

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Sun Feb 24, 2013 6:42 am
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Post Re: Depression

topics dealing with the psyche are very interesting :geek/oldfart2:

we could collect movies, books and other stuff here

yes im lazy :wave:


Sun Feb 24, 2013 2:02 pm
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Post Re: Depression

I guess that no matter how many books one reads (or writes), there's no way to get closer to an answer or even a solution, and ultimately, reading books or watching films doesn't change a thing! At least it's a good distraction sometimes, though. :)

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Sat Mar 09, 2013 1:10 pm
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