Dr Pan`s misanthropy questionnaire
- Esoteric 'At war with the race'
Did you ever worry about that urge you have to torture your cat? Which evil force makes you laugh at the misfortune of other people? Do you find yourself asking over and over again the question: 'why is humanity so stupid?' And if you are a good and innocent person, did you ever worry about the fact that you are listening to such evil and unethical music like doom-metal? Maybe you are evil and misanthropic after all, without even knowing it!If you do worry about such things and torture yourself with this kind of questions, there is no need to worry any more! Dr. Pan developped especially for you this questionnaire which is going to help you out. Just try to answer honestly to the following questions and check out your score afterwards. Know yourself!
1) The view of many people walking on the streets during a sunny afternoon, makes me think...
a) Of the harmony in nature
b) That they probably want to enjoy the sun and do some shopping
c) That the sales must have started
d) Of the hopelessness of human nature
e) That this is a good oppurtunity to test my self-made bomb
2) I would describe myself as...
a) Social, cheerful, outgoing, loving, maybe a bit naive
b) Realistic, sometimes optimistic, some times pessimistic
c) Indifferent, apathetic
d) Nihilistic, devoid of any hope
e) Hateful, misanthropic, unethical
3) The future of humanity is...
a) Hopeful
b) Uncertain
c) Who cares about the future of humanity?
d) Which future?
e) Hopefully very short
4) Life...
a) Is a beautiful present that should make everybody grateful
b) Is difficult, but enjoyable if you try
c) Doesn`t say much to me, but it`s better than death, I guess
d) Sucks and then you die
e) Is nature`s biggest mistake
5) I walk on the street and suddenly somebody comes to me holding some money and asks me if the money is mine. I...:
a) Think: what a good-hearted fellow! But I can`t accept the money even if it's mine, he should keep it, since he found it
b) Check if the money fell from my pocket; if not, I tell the person to keep it
c) Tell the guy to keep it, since I don`t care about such things as money. Then I
disappear as fast as possible
d) Take the money, contemplating the human stupidity and gullibility
e) Search for my lighter to burn and destroy the money (and hopefully the guy who
holds it)
6) The sound of a crying baby makes me think...
a) Of the beauty in the world
b) That the baby might be hungry
c) That if it continues crying like that, I risk a serious headache
d) That this baby is already tired of life
e) Of the sweet sound of a sledgehammer smashing the baby`s skull
7) Misanthropy is to me...
a) A difficult word which I don`t understand, in the vein of words like lobotomy,
decadence and narcissism
b) A word which means `somebody who hates humanity and human beings`
c) A word like many others, who cares about what it means?
d) A realistic choice in a senseless world
e) My sole goal in life
8) Children are...
a) So innocent and so beautiful! I love them so much!
b) Our hope for the future
c) irritating
d) Unnecessary in this directionless world
e) My worse enemies
9) Hope is to me...
a) Something everybody should have constantly
b) Something I can use in my life
c) Something abstract to which I can hardly relate
d) A joke
e) I hate hope
10) I listen to dark music because...
a) It is sooo beautiful!
b) It expresses me as a person
c) Some friend of mine introduced me to it
d) It tells the truth about this disgusting world
e) It inspires me with its inventiveness in lyrics about killing, hurting and
torturing people
11) The persons I admire most, are...
a) Mother Theresa, Gandhi, Albert Schweitzer
b) Mostly individuals which I know in person
c) Aaron Stainthorpe, Darren White and/or Nick Holmes
d) Arthur Schopenhauer, Sigmund Freud and Zjirinovski
e) I don't admire anyone, I hate them all
12) The sun is...
a) The bringer of life, beauty and joy in this world
b) As far as I know, a star around which the solar system revolves
c) A bright thing which is shining up there
d) The bringer of sorrow and desperation, because it makes me see the world as it is
e) My enemy
13) An old woman falls down on the street. I...
a) Stand there and watch without being able to help, because I'm shocked
b) Help her to stand back at her feet and ask her if she's ok
c) Help her up, and then disappear as fast as possible
d) Start laughing and then go away without helping her
e) If nobody is watching, I go and kick her as she's lying down
14) My favourite movies are...
a) All romantic movies, as long as they have a happy end. Meg Ryan rules, sob, sob!
b) I enjoy many different films, too many to mention
c) I hardly watch any movies
d) Seven, 9mm, Leaving Las Vegas, Natural Born Killers
e) I hate movies; in fact, I hate anything with humans involved
15) This test...
a) Is terrible, how dare you ask questions about such bad things as hating people?
b) Is something I enjoyed, but which I shall quickly forget
c) I have no opinion about this test
d) Is realistic, misanthropy is underestimated in this shallow, optimistic world
e) Reminded me once again how much I hate this world
Now it's time to find out if you are a misanthropist and if yes, what kind of misanthropist you are. It's pretty easy to find out: just count how many a's, b's, c's, d's, and e's you scored on the questions above. Then compare with the 'profiles' here under. Be aware that most of us display a combination of different types, so it's possible to have characteristic from all those profiles!
I. THE WOULD-BE MISANTHROPIC TYPE:
* You have exclusively e's: The fake misanthropist
Description: you think that you are the most evil person in the world; you keep stressing on any occation that you are mean, unethical and evil; when you go to metal concerts, you try not to enjoy yourself (in which you mostly succeed) and to look evil and mean (in which you don't succeed, because everybody is laughing behind your back). In reality you are a computer nerd who, safe behind his parents' PC, sends hate mails and makes himself unpopular attacking other users in public forums. However, as hard as you might try, you'll never become a true misanthropist. You either are a misanthropist, or you are not.
Dr. Pan's advice: Get a life!
II. THE MISANTHROPIC TYPES
* You have mostly e's: The hateful misanthropist
Description: You hate your neighbours; you hate your relatives; you hate life, you hate humanity; in fact, you even hate yourself. You really want to harm the people around you (but fortunately, most of the time you are too chicken-hearted to succeed). You are sadistic, masochistic, hateful and psychopathic. You are a danger for society.
Dr. Pan's advice: Errr...kill yourself; it's the ultimate act of misanthropy.
* You have mostly d's: The nihilistic misanthropist
Description: The thought that this life has no sense, has become a true obsession for you. You are completely indifferent about the world around you and you don't think that there is anything which could add any colour or excitement to your life. You are unethical, but you would never actively harm other people, not because you are opposed to something like this, but only because you wouldn't bother. Your lack of any ethical norms, can indirectly harm others or yourself, though.
Dr. Pan's advice: Ummm...why are you always searching for a sense and meaning outside of you? Didn't it ever occur to you that there can only be a sense in your life if you realise that your are the only one responsible for it? Yes, there are a lot of setbacks in life; but accepting them and going on with your life feels much better than keeping ranting about them and about how life sucks.
* You have mostly c's: The apathetic misanthropist
Description: Like the nihilistic misanthropist, you are also quite indifferent about your life. You are pretty asocial, although you don't necessarily lack the basic social skills. You prefer loneliness and isolation above company. People irritate you most of the time; their sweat smells sourer to you, their voices sound more irritating, sharp and loud to your ears, their sight is more disgusting in your eyes. During some uncommon crises of loneliness, you may approach other people and actually even enjoy their company. But soon you return to your good old solitude. Unlike the nihilistic type, you are aware of the 'appropriate' ethical standards and norms, although ethics and humanity are not exactly your two favourite words. unlike the three aforementioned types, which come across very unsympathetic to most other people, some may actually feel some kind of sympathy for you and might give you the impression that you are accepted in their company.
Dr. Pan's advice: You are for the greatest part responsible for your own isolation. Try to see the others from a more positive perspective for once, it could make you realize that you can find much more interesting things in them than you would expect. Maybe then you'll feel 'ready' to join their company more than you do now.
III. THE NON-MISANTHROPIC TYPES
* You have mostly b's: The realist
Description: You know how to balance out your natural social tendencies with your pessimistic thoughts based on your experience with humanity. You can deal with people and you can accept their weaknesses without losing your temper. You know that there is a lot that could be better in society and that there is a lot of stupidity in the world, but you learned to accept it, since you also realize that humanity brought forth some great achievements as well. You feel that constantly whining about everything that goes wrong in the world, is a waste of time and energy, which you rather invest in having fun in your own life. You don't easily judge people, and if you do you try to do it as unprejudiced as possible. Your life doesn't revolve around the perception of other people, but around your own behaviour and thoughts.
Dr. Pan's advice: Stay the way you are; the world needs you!
* You have mostly a's: The naive humanist
Description: You think that the world is great; you think that people are beautiful; you always trust people and stay optimistic when they misuse your trust. You keep being disappointed every time the people around you exploit your naiveté, yet your good old gullibility always returns with a vengeance. Although your optimism makes your life bearable and even enjoyable, you have pretty often short periods of depressive sentiments and feelings of inferiority. People always say the nicest things about you, yet they don't hesitate a moment to exploit you if they can get any advantage out of it. Your belief in humanity is almost unshakable, but it's a shallow, simplistic belief.
Dr. Pan's advice: Hallooooo! Are you blind, deaf, or just plain naive? Or perhaps you need to find yourself many times with your face in the mud until you realize that unconditional trust in humanity leads you to a one-way path to be exploited, used and disappointed by other people? Perhaps you could start by confronting yourself with the darker side of life; after the confrontation, comes hopefully acceptance of the 'bad' side of humanity. Yin-yang and stuff, you know? But oh boy, you have a long way to go...
- Kostas - Dr. Pan - Panagiotou
(05 December 2001 )
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